


on a fragmented memory

by hashire



Series: happily ever after [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post-Canon, more angst than fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 11:47:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hashire/pseuds/hashire
Summary: The stream, she thinks, is louder this morning.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Mikasa Ackerman
Series: happily ever after [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1298450
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	on a fragmented memory

**Author's Note:**

> I didn’t have any intention of writing today, but I saw the post from rivamikaevents and got the Feels. I read something I wrote years ago and wanted to write something in the same style again, so here we are. 
> 
> This makes references to incidents from chapter 138, but I don’t feel like it’s really spoilery. Maybe it is. I can’t read it objectively. Tread carefully with that in mind. 
> 
> Oh, and the “wakes up” part at the beginning is from Mikasa being lost in her thoughts, not asleep. But parallels ((it's the theme)), you know?

The stream, she thinks, is louder this morning. It doesn’t flow past their house surrounded by trees; no, it’s a few minutes away. It roars in her ears but it didn’t rain and there’s no snow melting high up on the mountains and -

Mikasa hears the coo of the little girl in her arms and wakes up.

*

It’s simple but it isn’t. It’s easy but it’s not. She honors only one of the things Eren asked of her.

She lives. And lives and lives and lives. 

*

Kuchel started smiling a few days before. It’s wide and exuberant and infectious. Mikasa smiles back at her. She reaches to grab the chubby fist that escaped, rocking her back and forth.

The roar lessens.

*

It’s not that she regrets it. She knew what she had to do. She knew that she had to be the one to do it. 

It hurts sometimes. It hurts even more other times. It wanes into a dull ache many times. 

Kuchel makes a noise that resembles a laugh, stuffing her fist into her mouth when Mikasa lets her hand go.

*

She knows that this is real and here and now. It’s not a dream or a delusion or a place so far away she could never reach it again or…

The sun slants lower in the sky. She moves on the bench so she and Kuchel are well situated in the shadow of the house.

*

The scarf makes a good wrap. Kuchel always settles when swaddled in it. She looks sweet against the dark fabric, her hair just barely darker than the faded black. 

Kuchel’s hand - wet with saliva - smacks her cheek. 

*

Levi still walks with a limp. He uses a cane on bad days and resists offers of help on good days. He walks up the path at the same time every day. It’s warm outside, warmer than it’s been in a long time. Winter persisted that year, but it’s finally spring.

Mikasa shifts Kuchel in her arms and rises to meet him. She takes the bag off his shoulder and throws it over hers, keeping the baby steady the whole time. It’s a bad day; he can’t hold her and walk.

Before she can turn back toward the house, Levi reaches up and swipes a thumb over her cheek: the right one, where the scar remains, where their daughter’s hand met her face.

“Kuchel -” she starts and then stops. The touch was higher on her cheek than where Kuchel could reach. She registers how her voice breaks, just a little, just a lot. She could go on; she could blame Kuchel’s spit for the wetness on her cheek. He’d know she wasn’t telling the truth. She’d know she wasn’t telling the truth. 

“Let’s go inside,” Levi says, because he knows what she’s feeling, knows how she’s feeling, knows why she’s feeling. Mikasa swallows and nods, turning away without saying anything else.

*

The roar will stop. The roar will start. The roar will leave for months at a time.

Levi takes Kuchel when they make it inside. He leans against the wall and adjusts the slowly loosening scarf. Kuchel smiles, and he smiles back at her. 

The roar is gone again, for now.


End file.
